10 Microaggressions You Might Not Notice

Microaggressions are subtle, often unintentional slights that communicate bias or exclusion. They may seem small in the moment—but over time, they can take a significant emotional toll on those who experience them.

Even well-meaning people can deliver microaggressions without realizing it. Here are ten common examples that you might not notice—along with why they matter and what to consider instead.

Everyday Microaggressions to Watch For

1. Where are you really from?

This question can imply that someone doesn’t belong or isn’t truly ‘from here,’ especially when asked to people of color or immigrants. It casts doubt on their identity or nationality.

• It suggests foreignness even when someone was born and raised locally.
• It can make people feel like outsiders in their own communities.
• Consider asking about heritage only if contextually appropriate and voluntary.

2. You don’t look gay / trans / nonbinary.

While often meant as a compliment, this comment assumes there’s a ‘look’ associated with gender identity or sexual orientation. It can invalidate someone’s experience or self-expression.

• It enforces stereotypes about identity presentation.
• It suggests someone isn’t ‘authentic’ unless they meet preconceived ideas.
• Instead, affirm people’s identity without judgment.

3. You’re so articulate for someone like you.

This backhanded compliment implies that a marginalized person is unusually well-spoken—revealing surprise based on race, class, or ability.

• It reflects unconscious bias about intelligence and background.
• It reinforces low expectations.
• Try simply complimenting their ideas or communication skills.

4. I don’t see color.

Intended to express equality, this phrase often denies the realities of racism and lived experience. Recognizing race is part of recognizing people.

• It erases identity and systemic inequity.
• It can silence conversations about race.
• Better: ‘I strive to treat everyone fairly—and I know that includes acknowledging differences.’

5. You’re not like other [group].

This statement may seem flattering, but it isolates someone from their community and reinforces stereotypes about that group.

• It creates division and ‘exceptionalism.’
• It implies negative assumptions about the larger group.
• Celebrate individuality without putting others down.

6. Is that your real hair / name?

Questions about someone’s hair, name, or appearance can carry cultural insensitivity. These inquiries often center curiosity over comfort.

• They exoticize or ‘other’ the person.
• They ignore the emotional labor in explaining personal traits.
• Be mindful of whether the question is necessary—or just intrusive.

7. You’re being too sensitive.

This reaction dismisses someone’s feelings when they call out harm. It derails accountability by making the person seem unreasonable.

• It shifts blame onto the affected party.
• It discourages honest feedback.
• Try: ‘I hadn’t considered that—thank you for letting me know.’

8. What are you?

Though often driven by curiosity, this vague question reduces people to a category. It’s frequently asked of multiracial or ethnically ambiguous individuals.

• It treats identity as a puzzle to be solved.
• It prioritizes labeling over connection.
• Ask specific, respectful questions—or wait for voluntary sharing.

9. Can I touch your hair / belly / mobility aid?

These requests may feel harmless, but they violate personal space and autonomy. They’re often directed at Black hair, pregnant bodies, or disabled equipment.

• It reduces people to objects of curiosity.
• It often lacks consent or consideration.
• Rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t ask to touch a stranger’s wallet, don’t ask to touch their body or tools.

10. We don’t see disability / race / gender here.

This is usually meant to express equality—but it overlooks how bias operates. Inclusivity requires seeing and supporting difference, not pretending it doesn’t exist.

• It minimizes real-world barriers.
• It suggests that naming difference is divisive.
• Better: ‘We value and support diversity—let’s keep learning how.’

Why Microaggressions Add Up

Microaggressions, though often subtle and unintentional, can accumulate over time to create a significant emotional and psychological burden for those who experience them. Each instance may seem minor, but collectively, they contribute to a pervasive sense of exclusion and invalidation. This ongoing exposure can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and a feeling of being perpetually on guard, particularly for individuals from marginalized communities.

Beyond personal impact, the cumulative effect of microaggressions can influence broader societal outcomes. In educational and professional settings, they can hinder performance, reduce engagement, and contribute to higher turnover rates. Addressing microaggressions is therefore not only a matter of individual well-being but also essential for fostering inclusive and equitable environments where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

How to Respond If You’ve Said One

Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is how we respond. A sincere apology, openness to learning, and a willingness to do better go a long way.

• Acknowledge the impact without making it about your intent.
• Apologize directly and respectfully.
• Reflect on why it was hurtful and commit to changing the behavior.
• Keep learning—books, podcasts, and workshops are great starting points.

How to Support Someone Who Experiences One

If you witness a microaggression, you don’t need to call it out with confrontation—but silence can feel complicit. There are ways to speak up and show solidarity without creating further harm.

• Check in privately and ask how you can support them.
• Name the behavior gently if you feel safe doing so.
• Redirect the conversation in the moment to minimize harm.
• Model inclusive behavior in how you speak and listen.

Reframing Intent and Impact

Understanding the distinction between intent and impact is crucial when addressing microaggressions. While a comment or action may be made without malicious intent, it can still have a harmful effect on the recipient. Recognizing this helps shift the focus from defending one’s intentions to acknowledging and addressing the actual impact of one’s behavior.

By fostering an environment where individuals feel comfortable discussing the effects of microaggressions, we encourage personal growth and collective awareness. This approach promotes open dialogue, empathy, and a commitment to continuous learning, ultimately leading to more respectful and inclusive interactions across diverse communities.

Takeaway

Microaggressions are everywhere—but so is the opportunity to reduce them. With awareness, listening, and humility, we can build more respectful interactions and inclusive environments.

It starts with noticing. And then, with care, choosing to do better.